In light of the most recent holiday of Halloween, I started thinking about children's thought processes and understanding of strangers. This is a difficult concept for many children. The Wee One is now three and 2 days after Halloween is still playing "trick or treat" with us at the house because the idea of knocking on a door to get candy is fun to her (although we didn't not knock on any doors but my grandmother's and our own). This made me think about how we teach our children about strangers.
I found some good tips online (and have been told some of these by parents in the past).
1. Don't talk to strangers. Even if they talk to you or call you by name, don't reply.
2. Stay at least an arms length from a stranger.
3. Use a family code word.
4. Never accept anything - even something that is yours - from a stranger.
Good tips, right?
Here's something that occurred to me while I was researching these. How often do I encourage a child that I don't know to break these rules?
How many times have I talked to a child I didn't know?
How many times have I offered to give something to a child I didn't know?
How many times have I gotten down on my knees (well within arms length) to talk to a child I didn't know?
How many of us have ever helped a seemingly lost child by taking them by the hand and walking around to find their parent?
We've all done these things. However well intended they may be, each of these things goes against everything we teach our children about being safe around strangers. Imagine how confusing that is for a child - especially a small child.
So here's my resolve. I am going to work really hard to talk to the parent first and ask if it is okay if I talk to the child or if they will introduce me to their child. If a child looks lost, I am going to stay a respectable distance from them and ask if they are okay and tell them to stand still while we call for their parent (it violates talking to a child, but at least it is not encouraging them to go along with a stranger to "look for mommy"). I will not offer goodies to a child I don't know, but rather offer them to the parent/guardian to give to the child. I probably cannot really escape the trick or treat deal, but I think we will stick to people we know or organized events in the future just to keep consistent with the concept of not taking things from strangers.
To many I'm sure I seem paranoid. I promise, it's not really paranoia...it's more about maintaining a consistent message to my child. And maybe a little over-protection thrown in for fun.
If you have kiddos...how have you taught them about strangers? Tips?
1 comment:
This was a difficult issue for me because like you, I saw some of the mixed messages we send to our kids. When things would happen where someone would talk to our children they didn't know and we were standing right there, we would reinforce with them that if Mommy or Daddy were there and said it was OK, then they could talk to someone they might not know. Face it, our kids don't know all of our acquaintances and friends and this became an issue of who can we talk to and who don't we talk to. When we were out in public and someone talked to our kids or tried to give them something(samples in a store, etc.) they would look at us first to tell them if it was OK and we always stressed, "This is only OK because Mommy and Daddy are here with you. Never ever talk to someone you don't know when you are by yourself. Never take anything from someone when you are by yourself. Honestly, Hubby and I don't let our kids out of our sight very much at all. We are way protective.
On an encouraging note, the older my children get (they are 7 now) the easier it is for them to understand the differences and they have had the rules drilled into their heads for long enough that they know. Hubby and I try to give them a little bit of room so we can test them and see what they'll do. Sometimes when they are looking at something in a store, I may step away a little (they're always in my sight) and see what their reaction if someone tries to talk to them or what they do if they can't see me and have that momentary "uh-oh where's Mom?" feeling.
Just a few thoughts on how we've handled this.
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