Live a good story...

This past year has been probably one of the most powerful of my life. I'm sure part of the impact of 2017 came from the events of 2016 but past that, it was a year of personal and spiritual growth. For me, 2017 was marked by significant life intersections. 

This last month, our church has been taking about the idea of story. In particular the idea to "own your story." I don't think I could have ended the year with a more powerful concept. I have debated what I want to say to own my story and honestly even debated if it was worth it. I decided that it is important to be able to articulate your personal story so that you can see the progression of the storyline. I've been on the Earth for 40 years now (probably about perfect time for a major self-reflection, right?) and looking at my life, I can see the storyline rise and fall, creating overall a good story. However, it's sometimes easy to forget you have a good story because the falls of the storyline are deep and wide. That's why it's good to own your story, so you remember it all; not just the downs.

A lot of people see me as an optimistic person who is always smiling (or at least that's what they tell me). Ultimately, I am optimistic, but it's not because life has always been easy or pleasant. My story is marked with some of the same sad and ugly spots that many others share. I have experienced bullying, insecurity, anxiety, sexual assault, heartbreak, family issues, abandonment, disappointment. I moved a lot as a kid and I didn't always make friends easily. I was a highly insecure and anxious child. I wanted to fix everyone's problems and usually couldn't so I was frequently disappointed in myself. For many years we didn't have a lot and sometimes it was really, really tight. I had have a small collection of failed engagements, and for a while felt like I was pretty much just a big joke, even to my friends. I have had to watch too many people I care about lose loved ones, and too many people I care about struggle with their own happiness. 

However, these less-than-awesome experiences are not the whole of my story. Throughout the struggle, especially my childhood years, I had a mother who loved me dearly and taught me that God is my foundation. She taught me that life is not fair, but that you can't give up. I learned that we don't have to be defined by any circumstance or even series of circumstances. Through pain and heartache and insecurity and anxiety, I have had Christ's love. I have walked through various stages of my faith and struggled at times with questions like "why would you let this happen," but I'm at a place now where I know that the pain of this world is not what God ever intended. I know that I am loved and cherished, and that when I allow God to work in my heart, I am able to overcome. I can find joy, even when I am sad because I know Love. 

This brings me to 2016. The year 2016 was not my favorite. I lost an aunt, a young neighborhood friend, my cousin's beautiful boy Radley, experienced some heartache related to extended family issues, and struggled with feelings of belonging. By the end of the year I was wiped emotionally. I didn't feel my heart could give any more, but I still wanted to be there for my family, my kids, my friends, my community. I was trying to do it all myself and find my way out of my personal sadness by being there for others.

January 1st happened to fall on a Sunday in 2017, so we went to church - a new one we were just visiting - and they had a great message focused on finding your word for the year. The idea is that rather than a new year's resolution, you pray for God to put a word on your heart that will guide you for the year. A word popped into my mind immediately but I dismissed it. I didn't write my word that day...it took a few days for me to get comfortable with it, but eventually, I wrote down leadership on my little magnet. 

I struggled with it at first because I felt like it was arrogant and honestly I didn't want to lead anyone. Then, as the word wouldn't leave my mind, I starting thinking maybe God was going to give me some kind of opportunity to lead a Bible study in my neighborhood or provide some opportunity at my kid's school, so I wrote it down and moved on. Then, like just about everything in our house, the magnet got misplaced and I didn't think about it much again...till later. 

Somewhere during the Spring months, I was asked to serve as a Service Unit Director for our area Girl Scouts. I accepted and have definitely enjoyed the journey, even though I'm still figuring a lot of it out. :) At the start of Summer, I found out about a full-time position at the University were I have been adjuncting and ultimately decided to apply for it. It was a professor of leadership - continuing and building the leadership series that is part of the general education program for the institution. During the interview process, I was sorting through some papers and came across the magnet with my word: leadership. It made me pause and get a little excited. I didn't necessarily take it as a sign that I was gonna get the job (remember the insecurity issues above), but I did take note of the intersection of the word God placed on my heart and what had been taking place in my life. 

I end up getting the job and WOW, what a whirl-wind it has been. I love getting to connect with students on a regular basis and really get to know them as individuals. As an adjunct, you don't have as many opportunities to connect with students since you only see them for a few hours a week. But when you are on campus full-time, you run into students often and they pop in your office to visit. You get to know them personally and it is a wonderful gift. While like any job, it can be taxing at times, students have a way of filling your bucket, even when they don't realize it. I was getting the recharge I had been lacking the year prior.

One of the big concepts I am trying to teach through these leadership courses is that leadership happens in many different settings (big L and little l moments) and that being a leader, often means being open to following. My biggest lesson through the year was actually related to followership. What I learned was that when I tried to lead everything and control things, even under the guise of helping others, I was not actually leading well because I was frustrated and burning out. However, as I let go and follow Christ's leading, I have been able to step into different leadership opportunities (some L and some l) with more joy, more love, and more energy. By following, I am a better leader. 

The Husband and I have laughed at all the moments this year where a sermon has intersected with something we have been talking about. One intersection was the story concept. We listened to Donald Miller's A Thousand Miles in a Million Years over the summer and really jumped on board with the idea of living a good story. The Husband actually read this a while ago it has become his personal motto. I loved it and started looking for ways to incorporate it into my freshmen course. Then, the last month of the year, the sermon series is about your story. 

Owning my story allows me the opportunity to reflect and, gives me the opportunity as a Christian,  to see how my story intersects with the story God is writing. God is telling His story through humanity and the free will we have been granted. God knows one cannot force love so He gave us free will. Being given free will means we have the freedom to choose to Love. To understand Love. To give Love. To receive Love. Free will also give us the freedom to turn away from Love. Humanity often chooses to turn from Love, and thereby send ripple affects throughout the world of pain, sadness, hate that often carry on for generations. It is not that God wants these things. We create them. Using our free will to find Love gives us power to overcome the ugly of this world, even if we are not always protected from it.  

2017 felt good. It seemed to come full circle for me. I am going into 2018 feeling stronger and happier. I can see the connections and intersections of God's story with mine and it has recharged me. 

Radley Moon

Yesterday marked a year that we have been without sweet Radley Moon. My cousin's child was such a beautiful boy with a joyous heart that touched all who knew him. I struggled all day trying to gather my thoughts and still don't really have a grasp.

When Radley was born, my daughter and I went up to the hospital to meet him. He was so sweet and I loved getting to see the instant bond my daughter had with him. A few months later my son was born. Atticus and Radley were the most precious babies together. I called them The Mockingbird Boys as they were both named for characters in To Kill a Mockingbird. I am so grateful that our families lived close enough to get to spend time together regularly and for a about a year and a half, life was perfect.

Then we got the news that Radley had leukemia. I was actually supposed to babysit him the day they found out. I remember waiting for them to come to the house and then worrying when I couldn't reach them. Life changed forever that day.

Over the next year and a half, we did not get to see Radley much. Between his limitations from treatments and my kiddos general childhood exposures, getting time to actually visit was few and far between. Technology allowed us (and many others) to keep up with Radley and see how he was doing. I was always amazed at how smart he was and loved to hear his sweet voice. The few times we did get to see him were incredibly precious, even more so now.

Obviously, any emotions I have pale in comparison to what his parents have gone through and what they experienced yesterday. I learned that my cousin is one of the strongest women I have ever known. I know she had serious ups and downs, as would be expected, but she always put Radley's needs first and reflected on each win and set back with a grace I could only hope to have.

This is not the first person I loved that I have lost but that didn't lessen the pain. My grief patterns don't follow typical stereotypes. I don't cry a lot and often my practical side takes over, rationalizing situations. It's taken me years to not feel awkward about that and just accept it's who I am. This time has been no different. Radley's death was tragic and my heart broke. I cried and then cried again when I had to tell my daughter. Then the tears stopped. Even yesterday, although my heart was sad and I had a melancholy feel about the day, I was not able to cry - my mind just kept going back to Radley and his parents.

I debated how to honor Radley. I sent forever flowers (made from wood so they will never die) to his parents and talked with my little family about what we should do here. We decided to buy a special bush and plant it in our yard. I think we will do this each year as we remember the wonderful child that he was and the happiness he brought into our lives. We will also be donating to childhood cancer research in his name each year.

I believe that God never had plans for children to die of cancer (or any of the other horrible things that happen in this world). Our world has made choices throughout time that create tragedies for others - often those that didn't deserve it. It doesn't make it easier to understand or experience, but for me, my faith in God is my refuge of peace. I trust in His love, grace, and mercy to carry me through the dark moments of this life. My prayer is that very soon we WILL find cures for all the different types of cancer, and other parents and families will not have to experience this kind of pain.

Radley Moon McChristian - you were a beautiful light that is missed greatly. 

Kids and friendships...

I shared this link about social engineering last year on Facebook. I think it's important enough to share again. Like I said last year (and this author mentions as well), I don't feel everything has to be an everybody in event. But there is a difference in having a core group and being exclusive.

Growing up, I moved a lot...10 school moves in K-12. Each move meant breaking into new social groups. It was not always easy. I was a small and very quiet child. I was easily bullied and/or picked on because I struggled with some self-confidence issues. My family was not wealthy - actually there were times that were quite rough and I couldn't do a lot of things others could. These kinds of things don't make it easy to find a core group - I didn't actually find that group till college. I could have easily been the kid sitting by themselves...and at different points I was. However, ultimately I was fortunate because there was almost always at least 1 kid that would reach out and bring me into the circle. These were thoughtful souls who saw past their immediate self and made life better for others. Shocker here...it wasn't the parents who stepped in to make sure I was included. It was individual kids being kind.

That is not to say that parents were not involved (well maybe some weren't), but particularly as small children, it really was kid-to-kid interactions, not parent-lead. For better or worse, this changed as I got older. I remember some junior high moments (small school experience) where parents definitely made sure everyone was at least invited. But, I also remember some parents who were very blatantly exclusive. I have no problem with parents having only a few people to their home rather than a full class, but I remember a few specific times where parents would loudly talk about plans at pick up, in front of kids who were not invited. That is just insensitive and honestly rude.

J has friends...some closer than others. That's reality. It's okay for kids to learn the difference between a close friend and a friend. My prayer and hope is that my kids will find a core group that is supportive and loving, but that that very same group will be open and welcoming to others. I think parent involvement sometimes needs to happen. Children are still learning how to navigate life. Friendships are part of that and understanding how to act with our friends in positive ways, doesn't always come naturally. I try very hard to not solve all her problems for her, but I don't have any issue with talking about what is happening and helping her find solutions. Sometimes that means giving suggestions. Sometimes that is just sitting quietly while she processes what she should do. She is very tender-hearted about people getting along and she has shared with me how hard it is for her to be in the middle of friend arguments. She wants everyone to get along and feels some weird pressure to help make that happen. When that doesn't go well, she gets stressed about it and feels like she didn't do enough to help - so very me. We're both working on this concept. To let her navigate all that on her own is not fair. However, if I step in all the time and just take care of it for her, that won't help either.

This weekend, I let her have a "late-over". If you haven't heard of this idea, it's like a sleepover, except everyone goes home at the end of the evening. This was kind of an experiment and luckily it went well. For many reasons, most logistical, I limited her count. That meant some of her friends, whom she really does love, wouldn't get invited. That was hard for me to do, but there was no way I was having 9-10 girls in my house for 5-6 hours - not enough space, food, or sanity. It was hard for her to know she wouldn't get to invited all her friends. So what I did was tell my daughter that she didn't need to be broadcasting the event at school. I know they still discussed it, at times probably within ear shot of their friends who weren't invited, but I hope that was very limited. I reminded her several times that it wasn't a secret so she didn't have to hide it, but it wouldn't be very nice to talk about all the fun they were going to have while someone who wasn't going was listening. I hope she listened. I know she wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but like pretty much any kid, she gets excited and doesn't always think about who might be around to hear things.

All this is to say, there is sometimes a fine line between being inclusive and exclusive. I think talking realistically with kids about these issues is important. I have told my daughter that she will not get invited to everything in life and that is okay. She is reaching an age where she is able to pick her own friends instead of just playing with her parents' friends. There are good things about that, as well as many challenges. My prayer is that both of my kids remain open-hearted and are conscious of others. That they will be aware of others who may need to feel included and then actually make attempts to include them. I also pray they each have a best friend or two that can be "their person" because it makes like just that much better to have someone who gets you.

Life is sticky, but awesome. Here's hoping we are raising kind, happy, interesting people who will make it even more awesome. :)

Stop taking it personal

These past few weeks I have been learning to let it go.  Not the Frozen-stays-in-your-mind-for-3-days-"Let It Go" but for real let-it-go lessons.  It is so easy to take the comments (or actions) that people make toward you, about you, about your kids, about your beliefs, etc., personally and I have been extremely guilty of doing just that too many times.

Although it may sting a little when people say things - like constantly comparing all the good things in my children to The Husband and his side of the family, while only contributing the negatives to me - it does absolutely NO good for me to take those comments to heart.  (Yes, this is one of the lessons I've been dealing with and still working on the letting-it-go...hoping that this post will help me release from those frustrations).

The main reason I have been thinking about this issue is from watching and listening to various people I have been around recently.  I am noticing how many of us get caught up in personal feelings when the issue really might not have anything to do with us at all.  Even comments things that technically do relate to your/my personal life aren't usually worth getting upset about because most of the time the comment that is driving you crazy really just stems from some situation in that other person's world.

Think for a minute about the last week.  How many times did you take something personal?  Were those things actually personal attacks or did you just have some knee-jerk reaction to it?  I know for me, the knee-jerk reactions are common.  Now, I am good at masking my hurt/frustration/irritation/whatever most of the time but I allow too many comments or situations to fester under my skin and irk me.  What good is that doing?  Absolutely no good whatsoever.

"Well, duh" you say.  I agree. Duh. It's just that sometimes I need a little verbalization and validation to get my mind to fully LET GO so I share this with whomever may be reading.  Lucky you. So, here I sit, now released and ready to play some LEGOs with The Wee One.  Life is good.

Valentine's Revisited

As I sit here in the couch with my 5.5 year old, I am reminded of when my daughter was this age.  On Valentine's Day that year, she was officially 5 months old.  We decided we would go out as a family and celebrate.  We made our reservations and got dressed up and out we went.  Keep in mind we were living in a small Oklahoma town at this point.

As happens with many Valentine's plans, things didn't go as expected.  After an hour and a half delay in our reservations, we finally got our food around 10 o'clock that night.  The wee one had done well the entire time but as you can imagine, she was a little put out by this point.  I was holding her trying to get her to calm down enough so I could eat my very awaited meal when an older, grandmotherly woman came over and literally swept her out of my arms.  This lady was nice and bounced the wee one a couple of times and then...

...WALKED OFF WITH MY CHILD!

Yes, she literally walked right out of the room and we couldn't see her.  As Brent sprinted after her, I had visions of this woman running down the road with my child taking her God knows where.  Brent found her in the other room just bouncing the wee one.  She was very calm and nice and just said she wanted to give us time to eat a quiet meal.  Apparently, she was the owner's mother and she was just exhibiting some old-school, small-town kindness; however...WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Looking back, I am able to laugh a little.  That night my heart raced.  Between that experience and one a few years back where we spent more time in traffic than we did at dinner, we've since decided that Valentine's Day is best celebrated on an alternate day if we are planning to "go out".  Otherwise, we'll just chill at the house and enjoy our family's love.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!  I hope you know how loved you are and are able to share that love with another.

Following Romans 14:13

I've written about this topic before, but it is such a prevailing wind in our society that I feel the need to bring it up again.  This particular post is for those who call themselves Christians - a call for each of us to examine our Christian walk and how our personal walk may affect others.

Recently, I chatted with two different individuals who are struggling in their belief structure.  One never had much support or guidance in her walk of faith and the limited exposure she has had was negative.  The other has had parental guidance and encouragement but has been surrounded by peers who live lives that contradict their faith in very negative ways.  For both of these young women, the concept of being a Christian has been severly damaged based on the example of those who claim to be Christians.

We put heavy emphasis on spreading God's love and doing mission work, which I applaud, but when we do not put the same importance of sharing God in our every day life, we are not living up to God's call for our lives.  I am a firm believer in the concept that your life is a constant testimony to God.  I do not know if anyone has been saved just by watching the actions of a Christian, but I do know (personally) many who have turned completely away from God based on the actions of Christians. 

Although there is always that fine line where individuals have to determine what to take in and what not to pay attention to (i.e., "well the Christian hurt my feelings so I won't believe" is a personal choice), those of us who do purposefully call ourselves Christians must consider how our walk may affect others - particularly when it is blantant, hurtful behaviors - even more so when those hurtful behaviors are done "in the name of Christ." 

I believe in Jesus Christ.  I believe that He was the only sinless individual this world has ever seen.  I believe that He willingly sacrificed Himself as a sinless person to cover my sins (which are many - both public and private).  I believe that I must admit my sinful nature and my specific sins to God and accept that He made this sacrifice.  I believe that in so doing this, I will not be granted a perfect, pain-free life but that I will have His love, grace, and mercy to support me through the dark and rough times.  I believe it is important to share experiences with other Christians and non-Christians as appropriate to support each other and be the body of Christ.

I am a sinner.  Although there are some people in my life have labeled me as "the one who always does everything right," I know that that is just a label and I have had (and will continue to have) my fair share of sinful acts and various struggles in life.  Some of these have played out publically.  Some have merciously played out on a more private scale.  There are things in life that I feel personally convicted to cut out.  There are somethings that are not hinderances in my faith and I have not (at least at this point) felt convicted to remove them.  I watch R-rated movies - Gasp!.  I occasionally drink alcohol - Double Gasp!.  I listen to music other than just Christian - Oh, say it isn't so!.  For me these are not a big deal.  They do not go against any foundational belief in my faith.  I know for some, these types of things may hold a greater significance and they may feel led to behave differently.  These should not be issues that create division.

My focus should be on loving others as God loves me.  Not judging them.  Not condeming them.  Not making them feel like less of a person for not following or walking exactly like I do.  When I hurt another, whether intentionally or not, I need to apologize.  When I am hurt by another, whether intentionally or not, I need to graciously forgive even when it is difficult.  On "paper", these are not difficult concepts.  In everyday life, these are the areas where we cause real and lasting damage. 

Questions I ask myself...
When was the last time I took the time to welcome the visitor at church and really talk to them?  When I see a person on the side of the road asking for money, do I pass judgement whether I give them money or not?   Do I take a minute or even a second and talk to them or just pass some cash over and rush off or roll up my window so I can separate myself from them and their situation?  When I hear a judgemental comment being shared about someone, do I step in and defuse the situation?  When I hear a loved one say, "I just don't know what to think about being a Christian.  I just don't think it's all real" do I ignore it or talk to them to find out why?  When someone tells me they can't believe the Christian life because of how they have been treated by other Chistians, do I open up and share that Christians are full of flaws and we each practice our faith day-by-day, but that the true belief of the Christian faith calls us to be loving and forgiving?

Do I hurt or hinder the Christian faith (or potential Christian faith) of others or do I encourage and help develop that faith?

Lasting thought...one of my all-time favorite songs:

Show me the money!

Gathering opinions...At what age would you all suggest starting specific chores for money for a kid?

The Wee One is starting to get the idea that you have to pay for things but still totally unaware that you have to work for your money. I believe there are some things a kid should just do to be part of the family and personal responsibility, but I think there are some things that are appropriate to be used as opportunities to learn about work and "salaries."

I think it is important for kids to learn that you have to earn money in this life and then learn to be responsible with that money.  My debate is at what age do you start these concepts?  Particularly actually paying your kid for doing specific chores?  A friend calls these "earnings" rather than an allowance and I love that concept!

Thoughts fully appreciated on the following topics:
*age to start paid-for chores
*types of chores
*teaching responsibility with earned money
*amounts paid

Thanks!

Hodgepodge...a day early for once!

Thanks to http://joyce-fromthissideofthepond.blogspot.com/ for this week's Hodgepodge questions.  This is always a fun way to keep the blog posts coming.  : )  (For those not in-the-know...Hodgepodge is supposed to be a Wednesday thing - I'm early!!!).

1.  In what ways do you indulge yourself?
It all depends...I love a good massage or pedicure, but since I have a difficult time splurging on myself, I'm more likely to indulge with a full afternoon of TV watching on the couch.  Slightly pathetic - yes, I know.

2. Have you ever taken a cooking class? Any interest? What type of class would you most like to try?No, but I do think it would be all kinds of fun.  Pretty much any kind of cooking class would be pretty cool, but I would love to try something like a sushi class.

3. What does it mean to be a good citizen?
Love this question...what is "good"?  I believe a good citizen should find a way to contribute to their community, state, and/or nation in some way.  I believe it is good to vote, but only if you are informed on the candidates and issues.  We should all find some way to give to our communities and to demonstrate good moral and ethical leadership to youth.

4. 'Tis the season of the political advert...do these ads influence your vote?
Sadly, political ads don't influence me in any way other than to make me feel a smaller desire to be involved politically.  I try not to let the ads diminish my desire to be a "good citizen" but I do find myself becoming highly irritated by the political games that take place and I'm fully feed up with the way we allow politicians to advertise themselves.

5. What's something you see today that makes you wish you were a kid again?
Now that I have a kid, there are things I see all the time that takes me back to my childhood.  I admit that is not the same as "wishing I were a kid a again" but that's as close as it gets.  I really don't have a desire to be a kid again, but I do love the nolstagic moments of things from my childhood...She-Ra is definitely one that we happened upon recently and it took me back. 

6. What's your least favorite cliche?
I really don't know that I have one.  Probably because I use them.  hahahaha

7. What percentage of your Christmas shopping has been completed? How does that make you feel?0%...yes, I said ZERO!  I always think it would be good to get it done throughout the year, but it never happens.  We are also not the family that goes super present crazy.  I love getting gifts for others but I don't enjoy shopping so I like to go when I have a specific purpose.  I have found myself occasionally finding something that I know someone would really love and debating if I should go ahead and get it at the moment, so maybe I'm changing.

8. Insert your own random thought here: 
I had an emotional reaction to something today.  Really, it's been building over time, but it kind of hit today.  My precious child (The Wee One) doesn't really look like me.  This is something that I've just learned to deal with since she was born.  However, it has become a major frustration (just getting my feelings hurt) that apparently the only things that others see in my child that could possibly be from me or my side of the family are the "negative" things in life.  Even my own side of the family makes comments about this.  It seems like any time she does something sweet, cute or talented, it magically comes from my husband or his side of the family line.  If she demonstrates frustration, anger, stubbornness, or anything of the like, then magically someone shows up to comment on how that must be something she gets from me.  I gotta say...over time those comments hurt.  Realistically, I know this is not true and I know that no one would say these things to purposely hurt my feelings, but sometimes they just get to me.  My suggestion...we should all think before we speak a little more often.

Who knew?

The Wee One turns four this coming week.  As every parent ever on the face of the planet has said - Time flies too quickly!  I was doing a little reminiscing and scrolling through some pictures I have posted over the past 4 years.  One in particular stood out because it is SOOOOO The Wee One.

Who knew that personalities developed so early?  I know, I know.  Many people say your personality doesn't really develop until you are older, but now, after having a kid, I think that's gotta be wrong.  The Wee One has had a very distinct personality since birth and the picture below reaffirms that for me. 

So the caption I had put under this photo back in 2009 when it was taken was "Well, you see, this is what happened..."  Okay, not only does she still do this expression and hand gesture, but she actually says, "Well, you see..." All the time. 

Who knew?  I guess she did.

This is the crazy Wee One now:

 

I think we'd better prepare ourselves for the future - watch out world!  hahaha

Audience participation time...

I am working on a new assignment for my class this semester and would like to elicit help from you all.  I have decided that it would be a good activity to review some blogs and analyze them for appropriate/inappropriate self-disclosure.  (I have to miss class one day and thought this might be a good out-of-class assignment). 

What I would love is to gather some suggestions of a variety of different blog styles from people who may know of some interesting blogs.  Many of the ones I follow on a regular basis have a Christian component and/or family based, and I don't want to only provide suggestions for blogs that talk about one particular faith or one issue.  I would ultimately like to provide a suggestion list of blogs that cover a multitude of topics yet that still include some aspect of self-disclosure.

If you have favorite blogs that you think would have interesting topics, please leave me a note letting me know the address.  I'm curious to see what my students feel is appropriate or inappropriate for online sharing.  : )

Thank you in advance for your participation.  (Does that inspire you to help me?  I hope so.)

Memorable moments

Have you ever noticed how the most embarrassing moments often end up being your most memorable?  The other night I was visiting with a friend and found myself recounting one of my most embarrassing moments and I had to chuckle.  Partially because the situation was so bizarre for me, and partially because it has stayed with me so vividly through the years.  So enjoy a quick laugh and I hope it's not too disturbing to anyone reading.  hahaha

This little tale involves my grandparents who are now in their late 80's.  This was about 7 or 8 years ago so they were in their early 80's at the time.  Let me give you a little background on my grandparents...

My grandfather was a military career man - 30 years in the Army...a retired colonel, a West Point graduate...and is a rough-around-the-edges know-it-all.  My grandmother is a slightly head-in-the-clouds, stereo-typical 50's mom.  So hopefully you've got an image in your mind of these two.  Also, let's keep in mind that they are MY GRANDPARENTS!

So - 7 or 8 years back, The Husband and I came to Austin for Christmas.  We were spending Christmas Eve with my family at my grandparent's house and then heading to his family's for Christmas Day.  December 23rd, my grandfather comes to me and asks me to drive him to the mall so he can get a present for my grandmother.  I think, "How sweet that he wants to get her something special, even if he did wait till the last minute."  Oh my...

We go to Beall's (the department store of choice for those over 65) and he tells me, "I want to get your grandmother and nice nightgown."  Cool - no problem.  I walk him to the ladies section and start showing him a few items.  Here's what I'm thinking...

"Nope, not what I'm looking for - I want something sexy for her."  This is when I start to get a little freaked...seriously.

At this point, the sales associate has noticed us and comes to offer her assistance.  "May I help you find something?" she asks, ever so innocently.  My grandfather says, "I sure hope so.  I want to find something sexy for my wife." 

She looks at him quizzically, kind of giggles and leads him to the same types of items I had shown him.  "What do you think of this?"  

"Not what I'm looking for.  I want to find something super sexy for my wife."

The associate and I both have expressions of total freaked-out humor if you can have such a thing.  Let me say, it's cool if they still have a sex life - go grandparents - but I DO NOT WANT or NEED to know about it.  So...we show him some "sexier" items...

"Still not what I'm wanting.  I want SEXY!"

Finally, I get what he's really wanting and it is not something that I would have EVER thought I would purchase with my grandfather...for my 80 year old grandmother.  We eventually left the store with a garment that was something like this...

Trust me my friends...these are memories that last forever.



Anniversary - Burgess Style

This past month was our 9 year anniversary.  It is hard to believe we've been together for 12 years (3 before we got married).  In some ways it feels like there is no way it could possibly be that long and in others it seems like we've just always been together.  Kind of cool.  So to celebrate, we decided we would escape the heat and head to Colorado.  We left The Wee One to the trusted care of Darma and Cozmos' and headed to cooler weather.
Day 1:  Drove to Buena Vista, CO to stay at the Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort.  Talk about relaxing.  Nothing will soothe your body like a dip in a hot spring.  Warning...when there are 3 springs in descending order, go ahead and avoid the first unless you feel the need for an instant skin peel.  Spa #3 seemed to be plenty hot for me. 

We did a nice dinner at the lodge, which we split partially because it was pricey and partially because neither of us were that hungry.  Let me just say DELICIOUS!  Brochette topped with shrimp.  Thick steak - topped with jumbo shrimp.  Baby veggies.  Garlic mashed potatoes.  YUM!

The plan had been to go whitewater rafting the next day, but The Husband wasn't feeling well and was coughing a ton so we decided to put it off a couple of days to see if he rebounded.
Day 2:  Drove to Aspen, CO.  Absolutely beautiful drive up Independence Pass, but I feel I somehow cheated death.  What the heck is with the state not putting guard rails up on high mountain passes?  And really...dropping to a single lane?  Those things wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the crazy-ass cyclists who seemed to think that hairpin turns every 20 feet on a descending, in-some-parts-one-lane road was a good choice for a bike ride.  Gheesh!  I should also state that The Husband has had a previous history of playing with gadgets like a GPS while driving on mountain roads.  The soothing aspect of the hot springs were gone mid-way up the pass.  Really what was freaking me out was the thought of coming back down at the crack of dawn in 2 days to go rafting.  Regardless, it was beautiful and the top was magnificent.  Worth the terrifying moments for sure.
We'd never been to Aspen and after finding a good hotel deal online (the Molly Gibson was great although there is no relation to Debbie Gibson as far as we could tell), we though it might be a nice visit.  We were impressed.  It really wasn't what we expected.  There is without question serious money up there, but most of the locals we experienced were super sweet and down-to-earth.  The town is very pedestrian and old.  I had no idea it had such an old history.  There are so many buildings from the late 1800's/early 1900's still around.  Very cool.  We spent the afternoon just walking around and enjoying some really yummy food.  Annette's Mountain Bake Shop is awesome!  The turkey sandwich was so good we went back the next day for another.

Day 3:  A nice leisurely morning.  Honestly, the best part of the trip was the lack of a certain person.  Although I love that little darling more than just about anything, getting away from the constant interruptions and typical almost-4-yr-old behavior gives me a chance to miss her and love her that much more.  We decided to go to Maroon Bells to hike the area and take pictures.  WOW!  Breath-taking views and crisp mountain air.  Even with the ridiculous wind that was blowing that day it was wonderful.  I might have looked a little odd to some as I hiked with my foam ear plugs, but I wasn't about to let the cold wind prevent me from that hike.

We took the Crater Lake hike which we found out later is about 3.9 miles round trip.  For some of you that might be a breeze, but I live at a significantly lower altitude and I'm not in top shape.  However, I am a firm believer in the "slow and stead" style of hiking and though it may take me longer than others, I still get to get see the same views once I reach the top.  I actually feel like I get to see more of them because instead of pushing myself relentlessly to reach the top, I stop occasionally to appreciate what I'm seeing around me as I go.  (It's a great excuse to catch your breath as well).  So, after about a 45 min -1 hr hike up, we reached the lake.  It was in a sweet little meadow and it was a great place to just chill for a bit.  If we had planned better it would have been perfect to lunch up there. 

Day 4:  Drove back through the pass...not as bad as I had imagined...and get ready for our rafting trip.  Since we changed days, we had shortened it to a 1/2 day down The Numbers.  When the water is up, this is a pretty exhilarating ride.  We did it about 7 years ago and loved it.  This year however, the water is down.  It was still fun, but much, much more technical.  The guide had warned us that we would have to "work" a little more to avoid rocks and hit the spots right.  I will say without shame that I was SORE the next day - actually that evening. 
Let me tell you about this little adventure.  This was my 7th time rafting and I figure that if you go enough, something is bound to happen, right?  So, coming out of Number 5, we had been doing great.  Then somehow, within a matter of seconds, that changed.  Our raft came up to a large boulder in the wrong position. We hit it directly in the middle of the raft and heard the guide yell "HIGHSIDE".  We all moved quickly, but it was too late.  The raft was taking on water and it filled completely in a matter of literally seconds.  There were 5 in our raft, including the guide, and soon we were all balancing awkwardly on the boulder while the water rushed around us and the now completely filled raft. 

There was supposed to be another couple but they had gone to the wrong location so we had been joined by 2 trainees.  Thank goodness.  After several minutes of trying to dislodge the raft and assessing the situation, a man who had been fishing near by came along side the shore.  Our guide decided to send us customers to shore so he threw a rope to the fisherman, hooked a caribeaner to it and told me to "zipline" through the rushing water downstream to shore.  I gotta admit, my first reaction (internally) was "WHAT?  You seriously want me to hold that tiny little piece of metal and glide through this pounding water?"  My external reaction was, "Okay".  Once I sat down on the rock and dropped into the water it was kind of fun and over in a few seconds.  The Husband came next and the trainees stayed on the rock to do what they could while the guide came ashore to maneuver the rope in an attempt to get leverage. 
This took somewhere between 30-45 minutes.  Lots of different attempts and eventually lots of different advice coming form other guides who started showing up with their crews waiting to get past us.  I felt so bad for the trainees (did I mention they were both girls and totally rocked girl power that day).  The water was COLD and they were stuck in it for half an hour.  One girl's hands were bright red from having to reach into the water so much to attach the rope in different places. 

At last they attempted a technique of paritally deflating a side of the raft.  This action and the trainees were able to "bounce" it up enough for the rope-pulley set-up to work.  Once free we all got back in the raft and continued on our trip.  Pretty uneventful after that.  The Husband was stoked about it..."This is so cool."  It really was - especially after I determined that we were all gonna make it without injury or death (picture post rafting - all safe and sound).  We drove to Amarillo to relieve my parents and slept so soundly it was unreal.


All-in-all, it was a WONDERFUL anniversary and a much needed trip.  After the current (and hopefully last-for-at-least-5-years) move, we need another big trip but maybe we can skip the near-death experiences. 

A Personal Experience

Disclaimer:  This post may contain material that could be upsetting to some readers as it discusses my experience with a miscarriage.  There are many reasons I have decided to make this post, but I know that some people may not feel comfortable reading this encounter.

In January, I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying so we were super excited and after our first visit to the doctor, we made the official announcement to the world - i.e., Facebook post. I was full swing into stereotypical first trimester symptoms including extreme tiredness and heavy nausea. Everything was going as expected until our second visit to the doctor. 

During this routine visit, we got the bad news. First we couldn't find the heartbeat which then sent us to get an ultrasound. We struggled with the doctor as she didn't seem to be able to demonstrate any confidence in the matter, but ultimately, we knew the result - the baby had died. 

We did a second ultrasound the following day to verify the result with the tech.  The Husband and I both knew, but it was something I needed to see since I hadn't had any indications of something going wrong.  Once we got the final result, it was determined that the baby actually died a few days after our first doctor's visit.  By this point it was about 4 weeks after the fact and my body was not releasing the fetus - technical term is a missed miscarriage.  We talked to the doctor about our options: a D and C surgical procedure or a medication to force the miscarriage and pass it at home.  As I am not a fan of surgery unless absolutely necessary so we decided to do the at-home option on Friday night while The Wee One spent the night with family.

Tuesday night (the night we found out) was pretty rough.  Wednesday was kind of a fog.  Thursday we both went back to work.  Friday we sent The Wee One off and then went out to eat.  We had decided to cremate the remains so we went to find a vase and seal-able container.  The Husband ran to the store to get pain killers, juice, movies and pads to make sure we had things on hand to make me feel as comfortable as possible. 

Disclaimer: This next part may be graphic for some regarding the actual miscarriage.  I decided to include this because it was so helpful for me to be able to find some explanation of what was going to happen before I took the pills. 

Since we had decided to cremate the remains, I had to make sure I caught the discharge in something.  I had a small bucket and we had bought a ladle to use.  This is also something that is suggested by doctors to make sure you fully miscarried.  Once I took the medication it took about an hour for it to take affect.  Heavy cramping and pain in my lower back like I had when I started contractions with my first child started and I could tell it was time so I went to the restroom and set up my system to catch the discharge.  What they had told us to look for was a sac.  They said the fetus should be in the sac unless it had ruptured and then the fetus might be separate.  For me, the fetus was separate and came out first.  This will sound incredibly odd to some, but for me, this was a very peaceful moment.  I was able to see my child and say a little prayer before I placed the baby into the box we planned to use for the cremation.  The Husband chose not to look and I understand that.  The sac actually passed a little later.  I was extremely grateful as one of my friends who had experienced this situation had had horrible pain leading up to the passing.  Bleeding is expected and normal as long as it's not excessive.   

The morning was odd.  I had this expectation that I would be just devastated and not want to do anything.  It wasn't like for me though.  I woke up and had a relieved feeling - I think mostly because I knew that part was past me now.  Overall, emotionally I recovered quickly. 

I struggled for about 2-3 weeks, more with the fact that I wasn't down-in-the-dumps about the miscarriage than about the actual miscarriage itself.  Of course, I had moments of sadness about the situation, but ultimately, I knew that God was in control and that for reasons I may never know, now was not the time for me to have a baby.  I had people (a surprising number) telling me about their experiences and it made me feel awkward (and sometimes down-right bad) that I wasn't experiencing the same level of sadness that they had felt.  I started to wonder if something was wrong with me.  Was I just suppressing my emotions?  Did I lack a motherly instinct of some kind? 

Finally, I came to the realization that that's just me.  It's how I deal with things.  My emotions come out over things like Hallmark commercials or sappy songs.  The serious things in my life seem to affect me differently.  I will fret like crazy over something to come, but once it's happened and I can't do anything about it, I am okay letting it go.  I'm not saying this is good or bad.  It's just what works for me.  There is nothing wrong with this.  When dealing with something like this, whatever emotion you have, it's okay. 

Ultimately, I still feel blessed in my life.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me.  I have an adorable little girl who makes me laugh.  I have family and friends who are extremely precious to me.  I have a job that allows me be a professional and get to spend time with my child.  I have a good home.  God is good and He always takes care of me - even when I don't know how His plan is working.

From an unexpected source...

Things have been a bit hectic around here since Christmas. To be brief about it all, here's what's happened...

*Started teaching part-time with a new institution - at two different schools.
*The Husband has been running like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to keep up with the classes he's teaching and all the extra committees and program development issues for his degree plan.
*The Wee One started preschool and though she has LOVED it, it helped spur a multitude of emotional/developmental adjustments.
*I found out I was pregnant....and then had a missed miscarriage (working on a post specifically related to some things there, but just haven't figured out how to word all of what I want to say).
*Found a house and are in process of buying it - our first house.

So, as you can imagine, it's been kind of crazy around here. The miscarriage in particular has brought a few issues for me and I'm pretty sure that's a major part of what was hitting yesterday.

Yesterday I was dealing with some relatively serious moodiness and really struggling with my mood. As I was driving to teach my morning class, I was praying that God would give me the strength to handle the day and help me alter my mood.

At a couple of points along my route there are homeless people set up with their signs asking for assistance of any kind. If I have any cash on me, I am usually the person who will slow down to pass over a buck or two. I figure I will probably just end up buying a Coke or some other thing I don't need and so I just say a prayer that this small gesture will help the person and pass over the cash. Yesterday, I was the one who was helped.

At the final stop light before the school, I was stopped at the light and there was an older man at the corner. I had some money and so I got it out to give to him. He was a weathered old man with a HUGE smile. I rolled down the window and the first thing he said was, "Good morning sweetheart. Aren't you pretty? Having a good day?"

My mood immediately started getting better.

Since I was at the light and had a minute, we chatted. He asked where I was heading and I asked how he was doing. At one point he said, something (can't remember exactly what it was) that made me respond, "We gotta pray for that, right?"

His response - as he reached out and patted my hand - "Keep praying, honey. God will take care of you."

Then the light turned green, so I said thank you and God Bless (and meant both very much!). This man, who has obviously, for whatever reason, lived a much harder life than I have, was the perfect encouragement to change my day and alter my mood. I was deeply touched and even as I typed this up today, I can feel the warmth that that exchange brought into my life. How wonderful of my God to put this man in my path and how great a testament to His love in how he can use the most unexpected source to show that love and support.

Here's a song that I think of often that I feel fits this situation well...

Being Christian During Christmas

I saw the post below on a Facebook this morning and it got me going. I have blogged about this issue in the past (see Happy Holidays), but as it happens every year, I feel I want to talk about again.

Facebook Post
For all my War on Christmas friends: "If you want to keep Christ in Christmas, worry about things more important than the signs and decorations at JC Penney. You think Christmas should be about Christ? Then take up your cross and follow Jesus – not into department stores, but into the prisons, the hospitals, among the poor and the outcast. You get angry when someone doesn’t say “Christmas?” Try getting angry over Christ’s children dying of malnutrition or AIDS. Try getting angry over the fact that the Christmas chocolate you love so much was kept cheap on the back of the working poor. Try getting angry over the fact that Christians are keeping people out of churches with their closed minds and closed doors."

Let me say, I'm not a "War on Christmas" person, but I do personally like to say Merry Christmas (most of the comments below the post were about this issue). It is a celebration of my faith. That said, I do try to be open to others by saying Happy Holidays when I am out in public or talking with acquaintances or strangers. I do not know their faith or traditions and it is a courtesy I try to extend to them. Do I always get it right? No. However, in no way would I get mad or frustrated with someone for saying Happy Holidays to me instead of Merry Christmas.

There were some responses under this post and they made me so sad/frustrated. One in particular talked about how she had been "reported" to the management at her customer service job because she was saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Really, people? Is that how Christ would want you to behave? What a poor example of Christ.

As Christians this holiday is one of the top 2 for us to celebrate and cherish. This is traditionally known as a season of giving and joy, inspired by the birth of Jesus Christ. When we get caught up in the materialistic aspects we are taking away from the purpose of this holiday. In no way do I suggest you not give or receive gifts, but if you are celebrating the holiday as a Christian, shouldn't it reflect our faith instead of putting a black spot on it with ugly behavior? Demanding that everyone say Merry Christmas to you is not a positive reflection of faith, love, or understanding.

If you are adamant that this should be all about Merry Christmas (regardless of the fact that many other faiths have celebrations during this time of year), consider this idea. Wear a button that says Merry Christmas and when someone says Happy Holidays to you, just go with it. They can see by your button that you believe in Merry Christmas.

In response to the rest of the Facebook post...AMEN! Why do we worry so much about whether everyone on our list is getting exactly what they asked for when so many in our world (and nation) are just hoping for the essentials to live a healthy and safe life? How many people on your Christmas list would be offended if you sent money to a charity instead of buying them a gift? How many of those same people are Christians? How many times have you welcomed a new person at your church? Take that one step farther...how many times have you reached out to a person who you've noticed coming a few times to church. (Each time we move we go "church shopping" and I can't tell you how many churches I've been to where the members don't even say hi when we walk in the door - even if we've visited multiple times.)

So, to wrap up my wordy, ranting response to this issue...maybe it's time for us Christians to start acting truly as Christians and not allow little things like saying Happy Holidays damage our witness to others. Maybe, just maybe...we can even take it to the next level by opening ourselves to issues larger than ourselves and to people truly in need.

This season, I pray that each Christians takes time to let go of the commericalized Christmas we've set up and take some specific time to thank God for sending His Son to us. I pray that we each find ways (big or small) to extend the love we have for Christ with the world around us. I pray that we treat others with the grace and mercy that Christ has treated us with. For any non-Christians who may be reading this, I pray for you too - that you have a blessed holiday season filled with joy.

Christmas time is coming...

I'll admit that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday so I do not put up decorations, shop, or even bake for Christmas until that day has past. However
...now
...it
...is
...Christmas Time!

We each have specific quirks about how we celebrate this season. Here's a quick Q&A so you can see some of what we do in our house.

1. Colored lights or white lights? As I believe I have mentioned in previous years, The Husband is the Christmas Snob and he only allows white lights to be displayed in or on the home. (Since he is so non-assertive about most of this kind of stuff, I let him have this whim - though I do mock it mercilessly).

2. Do you hang mistletoe? I haven't in years, but it is a tradition I enjoy so maybe I'll work on that one...

3. When do you put your decorations up? Usually sometime the week after Thanksgiving. We really don't have that many decorations so it's a pretty easy ordeal for us.

4. Open gifts on Christmas Eve or wait for Christmas morning? Most years we are at someone else's place for the holiday so we usually follow whatever tradition they do at their place. However, we've been talking about it and we think we should develop some traditions we can take with us wherever we are...and since I've always enjoyed getting to open a small gift on Christmas Eve I'm thinking that is one that will travel.

5. How do you decorate your tree? We are pretty traditional. Obviously, we have white lights and then since The Husband would prefer a perfectly matching tree we somewhat compromise and have the majority of the tree decorated with the State of Texas Capitol collection and the WTAMU collection. There are a few other "approved" ornaments that have been added for memories, but really on a tiny tree like ours, the collection ornaments take up most of the space. We do wrap white pearl beads around the tree and the years when we have bought a bigger tree, we use ribbon as well.

6. Are you dreaming of a white Christmas? Heck yes! I love snow and I particularly love it on Christmas!!!! The first year The Husband & I were dating Amarillo had a record snowfall of 22 inches on Christmas Eve. It was awesome!!!! My car was stuck too much so he came to get me on Christmas evening and we played in all the snow in the park, making giant deer prints and being silly. Anytime I get snow anywhere around Christmas time, I think of that time.

7. What is the most important think about this holiday to you? Celebrating the birth of Jesus and sharing that with my friends and family.

8. Star or angel tree topper? Now we have a small angel, but for several years we used a big bow with the ribbons flowing down.

9. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Both, but honestly, I love it when I've found something I just know someone will love.

10. Favorite Christmas song? I don't know if I have an all-time favorite. I pretty much love all the traditional carols. The song below was on an old homemade tape my mom had when we were kids. Typically I'm not into this kind of music, but this song always makes me smile for some reason.



How do you celebrate this holiday? If you celebrate something other than Christmas at this time of year, I'd love to hear about your holiday and traditions as well.

I pose a question to you...

I saw this on a friend's Facebook page today and it made me stop for a second. It is an interesting thought. There are large groups of people who support pro-life campaigns, but who would also be the first to condemn homosexuality. It poses an interesting thought to think that the life you are fighting to save may grow up to be something you despise.

In no way am I condemning either side of this issue (either issue actually). I am a strong believer in people's right to have a difference of opinion because I know that these opinions stem from values and who am I to say that your values are less important than mine. However, I do find this question to be interesting because it proposes a value contradiction for many.

How many things in our lives pose value contradictions? If you have ever read First Things First by Stephen Covey you were most likely convicted that you frequently live a life of value contradiction. There are realities of course. In our society, you must have money in order to live. How much money you have and how you live is very relative. However, most of us have to work to have that money. The catch is that the vast majority of us would not say work is the most important thing in our lives. Most of us would say things like our faith, our families, or our friends. But when you get down to reality, how much time and effort do we make for those things that are "most" important to us verses how much time and energy/effort we give to our jobs? We can rationalize it out easily. I work hard at my job to benefit my family. Yeah, yeah...I've said it too and there is some truth in it. However, it still creates a value contradiction for your life.

So, this week/weekend....take a second and think about what value contradictions you have in your life. Are there things you can change to make your values and actions/opinions fit together better?

Stanger Danger

In light of the most recent holiday of Halloween, I started thinking about children's thought processes and understanding of strangers. This is a difficult concept for many children. The Wee One is now three and 2 days after Halloween is still playing "trick or treat" with us at the house because the idea of knocking on a door to get candy is fun to her (although we didn't not knock on any doors but my grandmother's and our own). This made me think about how we teach our children about strangers.

I found some good tips online (and have been told some of these by parents in the past).

1. Don't talk to strangers. Even if they talk to you or call you by name, don't reply.
2. Stay at least an arms length from a stranger.
3. Use a family code word.
4. Never accept anything - even something that is yours - from a stranger.

Good tips, right?

Here's something that occurred to me while I was researching these. How often do I encourage a child that I don't know to break these rules?

How many times have I talked to a child I didn't know?

How many times have I offered to give something to a child I didn't know?

How many times have I gotten down on my knees (well within arms length) to talk to a child I didn't know?

How many of us have ever helped a seemingly lost child by taking them by the hand and walking around to find their parent?

We've all done these things. However well intended they may be, each of these things goes against everything we teach our children about being safe around strangers. Imagine how confusing that is for a child - especially a small child.

So here's my resolve. I am going to work really hard to talk to the parent first and ask if it is okay if I talk to the child or if they will introduce me to their child. If a child looks lost, I am going to stay a respectable distance from them and ask if they are okay and tell them to stand still while we call for their parent (it violates talking to a child, but at least it is not encouraging them to go along with a stranger to "look for mommy"). I will not offer goodies to a child I don't know, but rather offer them to the parent/guardian to give to the child. I probably cannot really escape the trick or treat deal, but I think we will stick to people we know or organized events in the future just to keep consistent with the concept of not taking things from strangers.

To many I'm sure I seem paranoid. I promise, it's not really paranoia...it's more about maintaining a consistent message to my child. And maybe a little over-protection thrown in for fun.

If you have kiddos...how have you taught them about strangers? Tips?

A Woman of Faith

This past weekend I attened a Women of Faith conference in San Antonio. I'd been to one before with a dear friend. This time I attended with a total stranger. Both were great experiences.

I had gotten an email from the organization back in September and decided I wanted to go. I figured why not see if some of the ladies who attend the church we've choosen wanted to attend. Due to a multitude of reasons, only 1 other woman could make it. She and I are about 20 years apart in age and had met once...literally in passing. So through emails and texts we made plans to attend this weekend of women celebrating all aspects of being a woman and giving praise and worship to our God.

Let me say...this was a HUGE step for me. I might teach speech communication, but I am not that great at (and highly uncomfortable with) meeting new people and making small talk. It is 100% out of my comfort zone. I've learned to do it out of necessity, but it is a big area of speaker apprehension for me.

So on Friday morning before the crack of dawn, I hop in the car of a woman I do not know to share a 2 hour ride down, two days of conference, a room (and a bed) and a 2 hour ride back. I told The Husband, "as long as she doesn't turn out to be crazy, I should be back on Saturday night."

I have to say, God is good. Even with the age and life experience differences of my travel companion. Even with the lack of comfort in knowing each other. Even with the apprehension I carry with me through things this like this, I came back refreshed and renewed.

The conference was wonderful.

Let me revise that...once I checked my bias/anger about the commercialization of my faith at the door, the conference was wonderful.

If you have never been to a Women of Faith conference before, let me tell you a few things.

1. They aren't kidding about the fact that you will laugh - HARD. It is one of the things I love most about the conference. It is good for your body and soul to have those big gut laughs (I use the word gut because when I have a good laugh it is way more than just a little belly laugh for me). These speakers are a hoot! A few in particular are practically stand-up comedians. I believe what makes it so funny is that they are really speaking truth. The stuff we all live with everyday and sometimes really need to just laugh about - out loud.

2. They aren't kidding that you might cry some. Every women needs to be able to release. The first time I went I found myself crying at things that I wouldn't have even thought I had a connection to, but I needed to release other stress and tension, and in all reality joy that I was being able to spend that time with my dear friend. This time, I didn't cry a lot, but the times I did get a little teary-eyed were in response to my inward cries for social empathy throughout the world in all situations. Regardless of the reasons, it is a good thing to allow your body to release those feelings and thoughts. It will refresh you.

3. They aren't kidding that you might be touched in ways that you never thought you would be. Many of the speakers told stories of serious struggles and how they had to walk through those to get where they are now. I thought at one point, "These women are amazing and praise you Lord that You have given them the strength and grace to walk through their situations and now be able to share with us...BUT...this is not really directed to me at this point in my life."

Give God a little time...

Just a bit after thinking that, one speaker/singer made this comment (paraphrased): "Some of you may be going through the darkness right now. Some of you might not be there. This weekend reminds us that if you aren't in the 'bad' right now, you've probably been there or will be there in the future." Amen! I don't know of a single woman who hasn't "been there" at some point in her lifetime. Some "go there" more times than others, but we all hit the darkness from time to time. An underlying theme I took away from this weekend was the idea of connection. Being connected is often how God leads us through the darkness and back to the light. Being connected is the human experience.

4. They don't say this, but you will be bombarded with opportunities to buy, buy, buy. I know that this is part of the gig. I know that this is a career for these women. I know these events cost a ton to host (production, crews, salaries, venues, travel, etc.). However, I cannot help but be frustrated when every time I turn around I am pushed to purchase something. Even the speakers manage ever-so-lightly to mention their books in each session. I mean really. You give us 30 minute breaks. Like there is anything else to do but check out all the things to buy in the hallways. Do you really have to mention it all the time? Like I said before, this is a thing I had to deal with and push past me to be able to let God in and enjoy the blessings of the stories, worship, and beauty of women connecting. Once I did that and gave God the weekend, it was wonderful.

I will leave with this clip. Amy Grant performed (let's face it, who doesn't love her?) and something she said about this song touched me - one of those social empathy moments. She said, "During a signing, I watched a family waiting in line. They looked so perfect. Put together, well-behaved, smiling. When it was time to go, the oldest daughter (about 16 or so) touched my shoulder and said, 'Thank you for putting this song on your cd. It means more to me than I can tell you.'" Wow. Just another reminder that while we think "she" must have it so good, we never really know what is going on in her world.

Halloween...sending mixed messages?

Having been raised in the generation where getting your Halloween candy x-rayed before you ate it might have contributed to my skepticism about the up coming holiday, but I really don't get Halloween. Nor do I agree with the mixed messages it sends to our children.

Over the past 10 years or so, communities, schools, and churches have come up with tons of ideas to make Halloween safe - particularly trick or treating. I get that. Going door-to-door is kind of risky and sending kids out at night by themselves is just not smart. However, is allowing kids to get their candy from the trunk of a car a good idea (Truck or Treat)? Does anyone else see the mixed message here?

The point of particular conflict is that many churches are now doing this program and specifically encouraging the community to attend. Therefore, you have tons of kids accepting candy from strangers.

By a car.

Specifically by the truck of a car.

It just seems wrong to me.

I like the big community focused events. I worked for an institution that hosted a big Halloween Carnvial for the area kids. We'd get around 600 kids each year. There were silly games like cake walks and bean bag tosses, face painting, and of course CANDY! Kids got to come in costume, get candy, play games, and have fun. It was great. I realize that not every community has a university right there so it's a little harder, but ultimately it shouldn't be.

In light of my dis-gruntled attitude toward current programming, I might have to open my big mouth and offer to help coordinate something a little different for next year. Don't make a complaint unless you are willing to offer a solution, right?

All that said, I hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween! Do you do anything special to celebrate this night?

Disclaimer...I'm not anti-Halloween. I've just never gotten that into it.